The Power of a Father’s Presence (or Absence)

Posted on January 31, 2013 by jeff warren

There are two ways to measure power. One is to see it at work (a weightlifter breaking a world record, a rocket launching into space, an Indy race car speeding down the final stretch). Another way to measure power is to observe it’s absence. Some studies reveal that 1/3 of all children in the U.S.A. are being raised in a home where there is NO father.

“Young men who grow up in homes without fathers are twice as likely to end up in jail as those who come from traditional two-parent families…those boys whose fathers were absent from the household had double the odds of being incarcerated- even when other factors such as race, income, parent education and urban residence were held constant.” (Cynthia Harper of the University of Pennsylvania and Sara S. McLanahan of Princeton University cited in “Father Absence and Youth Incarceration” Journal of Research on Adolescence 14 (Sept. 2004).

Fatherless homes:

75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes- 10 times the average.

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (U.S. Dept. Of Health/Census)- 5 times the average.

90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes- 32 times the average.

85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes- 20 times the average (Center for Disease Control).

80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes- 14 times the average (Justice & Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26).

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes- 9 times the average (National Principals Association Report).

The Father Factor in Education:

Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.

Children with fathers who are involved are:

40% less likely to repeat a grade.
70% less likely to drop out of school.
more likely to get A’s in school.
more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.
High School Dropouts. 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities?)
Educational Attainment. Kids living in single-parent homes or in step-families report lower educational expectations on the part of their parents, less parental monitoring of school work, and less overall social supervision than children from intact families. (N.M. Astore and S. McLanahan, American Sociological Review, No. 56.

Suicide: 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities?)

Behavioral Disorders: 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities? )

Juvenile Detention Rates: 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities?)

Confused Identities: Boys who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely that those in father-present homes to have trouble establishing appropriate sex roles and gender identity.(P.L. Adams, J.R. Milner, and N.A. Schrepf, Fatherless Children, New York, Wiley Press).

Aggression: In a longitudinal study of 1,197 fourth-grade students, researchers observed “greater levels of aggression in boys from mother-only households than from boys in mother-father households.” (N. Vaden-Kierman, N. Ialongo, J. Pearson, and S. Kellam, “Household Family Structure and Children’s Aggressive Behavior: A Longitudinal Study of Urban Elementary School Children,” Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 23, no. 5).

Achievement: Children from low-income, two-parent families outperform students from high-income, single-parent homes. Almost twice as many high achievers come from two-parent homes as one-parent homes. (One-Parent Families and Their Children, Charles F. Kettering Foundation).

Delinquency: Only 13 percent of juvenile delinquents come from families in which the biological mother and father are married to each other. By contract, 33 percent have parents who are either divorced or separated and 44 percent have parents who were never married. (Wisconsin Dept. of Health and Social Services).

Criminal Activity: The likelihood that a young male will engage in criminal activity doubles if he is raised without a father and triples if he lives in a neighborhood with a high concentration of single-parent families. Source: A. Anne Hill, June O’Neill, Underclass Behaviors in the United States, CUNY, Baruch College.

A unique Swiss government study (presented in 2000) revealed:

If the mother & father attend church regularly:

33% of their children will end up attending church regularly

25% of their children will end up not attending at all

If mother attends church regularly & the father does not attend church at all:

2% of their children will end up attending church regularly

60% of their children will end up not attending at all

If the father attends church regularly & mother does not attend church at all:

44% of their children will end up attending church regularly

34% of their children will end up not attending at all. (NOTE: higher than if the mother and father both attend!)

Now look at the numbers from the survey released by the Baptist Press:

If the mother is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 17% probability that everyone in the household will follow.

If the father is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 93% probability that everyone in the household will follow!

God has given great power and influence to fathers. Dads, don’t squander it!

REAL MEN DO.

Posted on June 16, 2011 by jeff warren

What we have in our culture today is the tragic absence of real men living dangerously for Christ. Real men are faithful, courageous, humble, and pure. Real men do what God has commanded.

“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” Proverbs 11:3

A contrast between two men

David- (2 Samuel 11) A quick snap shot (vs. 1-5) of David’s life shows how one decision can lead to a series of consequences- for which he would pay the rest of his life.
Joseph- (Genesis 39) A quick snap shot from Joseph’s life reveals what happens when a man determines ahead of time that he will live a life of purity and practice a “no-tolerance” rule when it comes to sin. (vs. 6-10)

1. Real men don’t run from their fears. David had not yet determined that he would live a life of purity. He had not yet found that his worth, his identity and value, is found in God and in Him alone. He was afraid and sought to find his identity where many men think it is found- through the attraction of a woman.

Real men face the truth about who they are. The secret fear of men is that they don’t have what it takes. “I’m fearful; I feel weak. I don’t think I have what it takes.” And because men tend to define their worth through their performance- a man’s greatest fear is the fear of failure. Some of men live with a private life of sin and are afraid to ask others into their struggles to help them.

What are you running from? Real men confront the truth about their sin before it destroys them. Be honest; be open. You’re only as sick as your secrets.

2. Real men don’t let lust consume them. Sexual sin and lust is the greatest area of temptation for men. Men take their souls’ search for validation in all kinds of directions but the most common is in the sexual direction. This is why pornography is such a problem among men. Men are more visually stimulated than women but the driving force behind pornography is the fear of not measuring up as a man. They seek validation and as sexual beings many men fanaticize about being desirable- because deep down they do not feel accepted, validated, and loved.

Real men fight to live lives of purity. And it is a fight- it is every man’s battle. And men, you are either winning the battle, or you are losing the battle.

Where/when are you most vulnerable? Like David, it’s probably when you’re not where you ought to be. You must remain accountable at all times. And like Joseph, you must learn to RUN from temptation. Here’s a verse I memorized when I was a young person-

2 Timothy 2:22 -“Flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

3. Real men don’t cheat on their wives. This is for the men: Punks cheat on their wives. Spineless, weak men cheat on their wives. “Spineless” because these men are not willing to face their fears- what’s really driving them- their struggle for validation. Conquering women is not for the strong, but weak men. Because…

Real men stay committed for life. Real men who are not married, live lives of purity. Real men who are married have eyes for one woman. Here’s a word for all married men- your wife is your main accountability partner. Talk to her about your struggles. Key question (answered only by courageous, godly men).

What does she need to know about you?

4. Real men don’t abdicate their leadership in the home. Many men struggle with this one because, whereas work is task-focused, the family is relationship-focused. Work is about doing; family is about being. Men: You DO your job; you LOVE your family. It is when we reverse the order that the tension escalates and the tug of war begins.

Real men accept the God-given responsibility to be leaders in the home. Dad- you have a moral responsibility to be the leader in your home. This is why I remind my church family over and over again- I’m a husband first, a dad second, a pastor third. This church has many ministers (every member is a minister). Stacy has one husband and my children have one father. The pastor’s role is to always point others to Jesus. Here’s the question for every married man:

What if you brought the same intensity you bring to your work to your family? Who’s raising your kids? (Is it your wife? Your kids’ friends? The television or internet?)

5. Real men don’t neglect their children’s needs.

Real men are very present and attentive to their children’s needs. I like the way Andy Stanley puts it, in his book “Choosing to Cheat”. He says all men must “choose to cheat”- you will cheat your family or you will “cheat” your work. It’s a matter of whom you choose to cheat. Someone will be your priority.

When family and work collide, who wins? Let me be bold with you men: At work you are expendable. Someday someone else will have your job. Someone else will be sitting at your desk. But at home you play a unique role. You are the only father your children will ever have- and only for a short season.

6. Real men don’t find their ultimate worth in their work.

Real men find their worth in Christ alone. Another key question:

Where do you find your worth? Real men constantly run to Jesus for their worth and significance in life. He lone can provide a man with ultimate value and worth.

7. Real men don’t watch others lead in the church. I praise God for the men and women who give their time, energy, and their gifts to the Lord’s work through our church. I think we all know that without the leadership of women, the church would have to close shop tomorrow. But…

Real men seek to be servant leaders in the church. They want to be an example of one who serves the Lord- for their wives, their children, and the community. Real men devote their time to the work of God by using their God-given gifts to serve Him. Only then will a man find true fulfillment in life- by fulfilling God’s purposes. God has called you to be a man of influence.

What is your ministry of influence?

Will you be a REAL MAN?

The Triathlon of Manhood

Posted on March 1, 2010 by jeff warren

I’ve learned many life lessons from triathlon and the many life parallels of being a man. In 1 Corinthians 9:24, Paul says, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” His point here is not so much about competing against others as it is about the how you run this race of life. He says race to win. The triathlon is an image or parable of a man’s life in many ways. It’s not enough to start the race, you must finish the race strong. (In fact, they have a term for it when you “DNF”- did not finish- too many men DNF in life). Many men start strong but very few finish well. Along the way you’ll suffer many setbacks, you’ll want to give up, you’ll never win every race, you’ll suffer injury along the way. You’ll need to train hard. You’ll need to live a disciplined life, and you will definitely need some men to come along side you and train with you. As individual of a sport it seems to be, you cannot do it alone.

But here’s the KEY learning: The idea behind “the triathlon of manhood” is this: We must focus on three disciplines in order to finish strong. A man must do well in all three areas of his life in order to succeed as a man.

The Triathlon of Manhood

1. His spiritual life

2. His relational life

3. His vocational life

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.” 1 Corinthian 16:13-14 The NASB says it this way: “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:13-14. This passage has four imperative commands that tell us how to run and win this race.

Winning the Race

1. Be on guard. Watch out! Be alert! Many men are not aware of the schemes of the evil one. You need know the Word of God, study it, and apply it! Matthew 5:8 says, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Listen: there are moral conditions for spiritual insight. If you want an ever-expanding and clearer view of God, you must keep your heart pure. Wake up! Do not give into sin. .

2. Stand firm in your faith. Hold tight to your convictions. Real men are unmoveable in their convictions. Guard your heart, be alert regarding what goes in to your mind, what you see.

3. Be the man. Be courageous. The one defining mark of a real man is courage. Real men humbly listen to the audience of One.

4. Don’t stop loving. Everything you do must be done in love. We struggle in our culture to combine the rough, adventurous, masculine, barbarian spirit of men with a loving, kind, and tender heart (that’s a tough thing) but it is a potent combination in the hands of God.

The ultimate ironman: Jesus Christ. Jesus is the ultimate man and He has finished the race for us. He becomes, at the same time, our goal and the means (the power) to finish the race strong. Men, commit to the triathlon of life and you will finish strong!

Dads: Be there.

Posted on June 20, 2007 by jeff warren

During the summer Olympics in Barcelona, Spain in 1992, one of track and field’s most memorable events took place. Derek Redmond, from Great Britain, was running the race of a lifetime in the 400 meters. He was coming around the last turn when he felt (and heard) his hamstring pop. He fell face down on the track in excruciating pain. He immediately tried to get up- what he called later, “animal instinct”- and, in a crazed attempt to finish the race he hobbled on one leg toward the finish line. The crowd rose to its feet. Out of the crowd came a large man in a T-shirt, pushing security guards aside. It was Jim Redmond, Derek’s father. He ran out on the track and held his son in his arms and said, “Derek, you don’t have to do this.” Derek said, “Yes I do.” “Then we’re going to finish together”, his father said. Jim held his son, with his head in his chest most of the way, as both of them wept together toward the finish line. As they crossed the finish line, the crowd roared… then wept as well. Derek left Barcelona, not with the gold medal he had dreamed of, but with the memory of father who came out of the stands to help his son finish the race. What a powerful picture of fatherhood. In fact, it sounds a lot like what God has done for us in Christ. John 1:14 says, “The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.” Jesus came out of the stands of heaven to help us finish the race.Dads, are you “in the stands” watching your child from afar as they hobble toward the finish line? Or are you in the race with them, comforting them, holding them when necessary, as you guide them to the end. Many dads start out well with their kids. Few dads truly help their kids finish strong. What will be your legacy? Dad, get in the game.