The Power of a Father’s Presence (or Absence)

Posted on January 31, 2013 by jeff warren

There are two ways to measure power. One is to see it at work (a weightlifter breaking a world record, a rocket launching into space, an Indy race car speeding down the final stretch). Another way to measure power is to observe it’s absence. Some studies reveal that 1/3 of all children in the U.S.A. are being raised in a home where there is NO father.

“Young men who grow up in homes without fathers are twice as likely to end up in jail as those who come from traditional two-parent families…those boys whose fathers were absent from the household had double the odds of being incarcerated- even when other factors such as race, income, parent education and urban residence were held constant.” (Cynthia Harper of the University of Pennsylvania and Sara S. McLanahan of Princeton University cited in “Father Absence and Youth Incarceration” Journal of Research on Adolescence 14 (Sept. 2004).

Fatherless homes:

75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes- 10 times the average.

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (U.S. Dept. Of Health/Census)- 5 times the average.

90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes- 32 times the average.

85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes- 20 times the average (Center for Disease Control).

80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes- 14 times the average (Justice & Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26).

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes- 9 times the average (National Principals Association Report).

The Father Factor in Education:

Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.

Children with fathers who are involved are:

40% less likely to repeat a grade.
70% less likely to drop out of school.
more likely to get A’s in school.
more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.
High School Dropouts. 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities?)
Educational Attainment. Kids living in single-parent homes or in step-families report lower educational expectations on the part of their parents, less parental monitoring of school work, and less overall social supervision than children from intact families. (N.M. Astore and S. McLanahan, American Sociological Review, No. 56.

Suicide: 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities?)

Behavioral Disorders: 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities? )

Juvenile Detention Rates: 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities?)

Confused Identities: Boys who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely that those in father-present homes to have trouble establishing appropriate sex roles and gender identity.(P.L. Adams, J.R. Milner, and N.A. Schrepf, Fatherless Children, New York, Wiley Press).

Aggression: In a longitudinal study of 1,197 fourth-grade students, researchers observed “greater levels of aggression in boys from mother-only households than from boys in mother-father households.” (N. Vaden-Kierman, N. Ialongo, J. Pearson, and S. Kellam, “Household Family Structure and Children’s Aggressive Behavior: A Longitudinal Study of Urban Elementary School Children,” Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 23, no. 5).

Achievement: Children from low-income, two-parent families outperform students from high-income, single-parent homes. Almost twice as many high achievers come from two-parent homes as one-parent homes. (One-Parent Families and Their Children, Charles F. Kettering Foundation).

Delinquency: Only 13 percent of juvenile delinquents come from families in which the biological mother and father are married to each other. By contract, 33 percent have parents who are either divorced or separated and 44 percent have parents who were never married. (Wisconsin Dept. of Health and Social Services).

Criminal Activity: The likelihood that a young male will engage in criminal activity doubles if he is raised without a father and triples if he lives in a neighborhood with a high concentration of single-parent families. Source: A. Anne Hill, June O’Neill, Underclass Behaviors in the United States, CUNY, Baruch College.

A unique Swiss government study (presented in 2000) revealed:

If the mother & father attend church regularly:

33% of their children will end up attending church regularly

25% of their children will end up not attending at all

If mother attends church regularly & the father does not attend church at all:

2% of their children will end up attending church regularly

60% of their children will end up not attending at all

If the father attends church regularly & mother does not attend church at all:

44% of their children will end up attending church regularly

34% of their children will end up not attending at all. (NOTE: higher than if the mother and father both attend!)

Now look at the numbers from the survey released by the Baptist Press:

If the mother is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 17% probability that everyone in the household will follow.

If the father is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 93% probability that everyone in the household will follow!

God has given great power and influence to fathers. Dads, don’t squander it!

The Ten Traits of a Healthy Family

Posted on August 31, 2011 by jeff warren

1. They have an irrational commitment to each member of the family. They display an illogical love for one another, spread lavishly and without discretion. “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know Him.” 1 John 3:1 Driven by 1 John 3:1, stunning amounts of love, kindness, and forgiveness are shared to family member.

2. They communicate with truth and grace. Mom and Dad model Ephesians 4:15 How we treat our spouse (and how we extend grace to our family members) will confirm or contradict what we believe about God.
“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” Ephesians 4:15 Create an atmosphere where truth can be discussed, regardless of how difficult it may be to talk about.

3. They affirm the value and uniqueness of each member of the family. Each person is loved for free and without judgment. His or her opinions and feelings are always honored.
“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Romans 15:7 Celebrate the uniqueness of each child in our family. “I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

4. They vow never to abuse, shame, control, or intimidate one another. “Oh, children are resilient- they bounce back.” No children are fragile and understanding that children are fragile- no emotional, verbal, or physical abuse is tolerated in any way and is immediately confronted. Consider the power of words.
“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” Philippians 4:5
Unkind words are not tolerated- “We do not talk to each other like that in our family.” Parents: You must model kind words and challenge this early on.

5. They share a strong spiritual foundation. Parents recognize that a “mild
dose” of God will never cultivate a life that has Christ at the very center, guiding every aspect of life (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). There is no abdication of spiritual formation- no outsourcing to the church. We create spiritual orphans, spiritual schizophrenics. Complete disconnect! What’s your goal parents? There’s a big difference between a young person who goes to church & one who is truly sold out to God.

6. They teach respect for others. Racism, arrogant superiority, or disrespect
for people who are different is never tolerated. Jesus added to the Shema that we should love each other as we love ourselves:
“And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’.” Matthew 22:39
When you see a child who is different than other kids ask, “What would it feel like to be that kid?” Teach your children to love and honor all people- adopt Martin Luther King Jr.s’ dream for our nation. Help your children dream of the day when every person- Hispanic, black, Asian, European and all people will know that they are loved with the unprejudiced, unbiased, and unrestrained love of Jesus.

7. They instill a sense of responsibility in one another. Each member knows that they must take responsibility for their own actions and face the consequences of their poor choices. Self-esteem does not result from simply heaping large amounts of affirmation and praise. It happens when a child learns to be responsible.
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives.” 1 John 1:8-10
Let the consequences do the teaching. It’s God’s way- and parents too often get in the way of what God wants to do, simply through the consequences of choices made or not made. Parents: Do NOT rescue your child. This takes courageous parenting- it takes faith- to believe that God will work in your children’s life as He sees fit. When you let the consequences do the teaching you place that child in the hands of God.

8. They play together. This is so important. Laughter and fun mark a family that builds strong relationships with one another.
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

9. They celebrate rituals and traditions together. This gives the family a sense of constancy and permanence. They know that the love and commitment of the family will never change- this year, next year, and the next…
“Ask the former generations and find out what their fathers learned, for we were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow. Will they not instruct you and tell you? Will they not bring forth words from their understanding?” Job 8:8-10

10. They seek help when they come to an impasse. They understand that all families have issues that may need outside or professional help and they are not afraid to ask for help when needed.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” James 5:16

God is very clear about the kind of families He wants us to have. Let us follow His principles and seek to honor Him in our families.

The Triathlon of Manhood

Posted on March 1, 2010 by jeff warren

I’ve learned many life lessons from triathlon and the many life parallels of being a man. In 1 Corinthians 9:24, Paul says, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” His point here is not so much about competing against others as it is about the how you run this race of life. He says race to win. The triathlon is an image or parable of a man’s life in many ways. It’s not enough to start the race, you must finish the race strong. (In fact, they have a term for it when you “DNF”- did not finish- too many men DNF in life). Many men start strong but very few finish well. Along the way you’ll suffer many setbacks, you’ll want to give up, you’ll never win every race, you’ll suffer injury along the way. You’ll need to train hard. You’ll need to live a disciplined life, and you will definitely need some men to come along side you and train with you. As individual of a sport it seems to be, you cannot do it alone.

But here’s the KEY learning: The idea behind “the triathlon of manhood” is this: We must focus on three disciplines in order to finish strong. A man must do well in all three areas of his life in order to succeed as a man.

The Triathlon of Manhood

1. His spiritual life

2. His relational life

3. His vocational life

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.” 1 Corinthian 16:13-14 The NASB says it this way: “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:13-14. This passage has four imperative commands that tell us how to run and win this race.

Winning the Race

1. Be on guard. Watch out! Be alert! Many men are not aware of the schemes of the evil one. You need know the Word of God, study it, and apply it! Matthew 5:8 says, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Listen: there are moral conditions for spiritual insight. If you want an ever-expanding and clearer view of God, you must keep your heart pure. Wake up! Do not give into sin. .

2. Stand firm in your faith. Hold tight to your convictions. Real men are unmoveable in their convictions. Guard your heart, be alert regarding what goes in to your mind, what you see.

3. Be the man. Be courageous. The one defining mark of a real man is courage. Real men humbly listen to the audience of One.

4. Don’t stop loving. Everything you do must be done in love. We struggle in our culture to combine the rough, adventurous, masculine, barbarian spirit of men with a loving, kind, and tender heart (that’s a tough thing) but it is a potent combination in the hands of God.

The ultimate ironman: Jesus Christ. Jesus is the ultimate man and He has finished the race for us. He becomes, at the same time, our goal and the means (the power) to finish the race strong. Men, commit to the triathlon of life and you will finish strong!

Birds and Bees

Posted on February 14, 2010 by jeff warren

The “birds and bees” is an odd euphemism for human sexual relations and reproduction- namely because the way birds and bees create baby birds and bees is radically different from the way humans do. Most children (and adults) probably know more about human reproduction than they do about birds or bees. Of course, most of us know that birds lay eggs but you may not know that most birds are monogamous- they stay together to raise their little family. You may not know that bees actually start the process of making baby bees in mid-air (wow) and shortly thereafter, the male bee dies. Now, there’s an abstinence plan we have not considered. Just say “no”… or else!

Hosea 4:6 says, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” Perhaps, in no other area of life is this truer than in the area of gender, sex, and relationships. Throughout February we’re bringing much-needed truth to the topic. Let’s start with some of the wonderful, God-given male/female differences:

He said, she said…

1. He is purpose-driven; she is heart-driven. Men are more driven than women to “get ‘er done”. It’s why a boys’ soccer game will not stop if one of the guys goes down with an injury, (that’s an advantage)! A girls’ game may not start again. The feelings of the one matter more than the purpose of the game.

2. He is goal-oriented; she is feeling-oriented. Girls- ever had this happen to you? You’re talking with a guy (husband, friend) and you’re just sharing your heart and he starts to offer solutions. Men- she talks to get closer to her feelings not to get solutions (and besides, she doesn’t think you’re that smart). Girls talk to get to their feelings. This can be a problem because guys have a short attention span ‘cause he’s thinking, “Get to the point!” Fellas, that is the point. Conversation is the point.

3. He operates specifically; she operates holistically. Men are segmented, women are connected. Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti. An example of this is shopping- guys are from Walmart; women are from Nordstrom. Walmart is more of a hunt and is designed for the kill. Nordstrom is an experience (they have a guy playing the piano in there)!

4. He needs admiration; she needs affection. Author John Eldridge noted that every guy is asking the question “Do I have what it takes?” Every girl is asking “Am I lovely?” Men tend to strive toward independence and women strive for relationships but men need relationships and women need to find their worth apart from any man.

Words to live by: Men want to hear: “That makes sense. Thank you. You’ve been so helpful.” Women want to hear: “I understand. Tell me more.” Try these pointers and watch your relationships thrive.

Tiger Woods: More will never be enough.

Posted on December 18, 2009 by jeff warren

We’ve proven again that in this age of technology, in which everyone has opinion (and the ability to express it), we have created our own Tower of Babel. Much being said, but very little is intelligible, thoughtful, or helpful. Out of the noise comes this editorial (link below) from the Dallas Morning News. This is probably the best perspective I’ve seen on the news of Tiger Woods.

It reminded me of the parable of Jesus in Luke 12 of the man who wanted bigger and bigger barns. He had all he needed but he wanted more. Jesus is reminding us that apart from a life with God, more will never be enough. We will never be satisfied until we are completely satisfied in Him. Of all this lessons learned from Tiger’s situation, this is the most powerful. According to our world’s standards, here’s a man who had everything one would ever need in a hundred lifetimes (including a beautiful wife who seemed to love him very much). But it wasn’t enough. What should this tell us about the human condition?

I’ve prayed for Tiger. Perhaps he’s realizing he’s not more influential than Jesus Christ (as his dad prophesied) but in fact, needs to be influenced by Jesus Christ. I pray this will lead him to see that he’s not the Savior and is, in fact, in desperate need for a Savior. How else will he find forgiveness? And before we throw anymore rocks at Tiger, let’s stop and look at our own lives. Am I longing for more when I’ve been given more than enough? Have I come to a point in my life where I am fully satisfied in God alone?

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/opinion/editorials/stories/DN-tiger_1215edi.State.Edition1.2f6533a.html

Lessons from the life of Hosea

Posted on November 7, 2009 by jeff warren

Hosea Throughout the Old Testament one of the primary analogies/images of God’s relationship with His people is that of marriage. In fact, the Jewish interpretation of the Sinai covenant is that of a betrothal ceremony- an interpretation that is found throughout the Old Testament (Jer. 2:2, 3:8-14, 31:32, Ez. 16:8). Israel’s idolatry- their worship of other gods is most often referred to as “adultery”. God says He will rejoice over His people as a groom rejoices over His bride. The Song of Songs is an entire book committed to the intimate marriage of God and His people.

In the Book of Hosea, God uses the prophet’s real life experiences and circumstances (namely his marriage) to “preach” His message to the people of Israel. The terrible truth about Israel’s religious promiscuity and coming destruction is being played out in Hosea’s life for all to see.

Lessons from the life of Hosea

1. Our relationship with God is like a marriage. This is a powerful and guiding thought for us all- singles, young people, and married adults- you will never find one like Jesus.

2. God uses our struggles to display His power through us. If we truly live to bring glory to God, it changes everything. Regardless of what life brings our way, God can be glorified if we remain faithful to Him.

3. God uses our challenges in relationships to reveal His love to others. Jesus calls us to love our enemies- (anyone can love their friends). If you’re in a difficult relationship, even now, God wants you to show others a real life parable of His stubborn, redeeming love.

4. God calls us to love the unlovely- even those who have hurt us. God hates sin; it grieves His heart; He cannot condone it; His perfect righteousness and justice demand that He deal with it. But He still loves the sinner and diligently seeks us out and offers us His loving forgiveness. We need to love like that. We need to forgive like that. We need to drag the festering hurts we have been harboring in our hearts to the cross of Christ- where we laid our own burden of guilt one day and where we found God’s loving forgiveness- and we must leave them all there. When we fully forgive, our minds are released from the bondage of resentment that has been building a wall between us, and we are free to grow in our relationships with each other.

5. Our disobedience to God brings judgment and severe consequences. Clearly, the majority of the book of Hosea is about the coming judgment of God upon Israel. Like He does with us, He gives them evidence of their unfaithfulness, He warns them of coming destruction, offers an opportunity for repentance, then He holds true to His word.

6. God calls us into a covenant relationship with Him. It all starts as we realize how much God has done for us in Christ. Renew your covenant marriage to God. If you have never entered into that eternal covenant (made possible only through the Cross of Christ), say, “I DO” right now.

An Unexpected Journey

Posted on August 17, 2008 by jeff warren

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Many of you now know that my precious Stacy has been diagnosed with cancer. Following a routine mammogram we discovered that she would have to undergo surgery. Believing that this would be a simple “bump in the road” we moved ahead with surgery on Tuesday. During surgery the doctor informed me that he had found that the cancer was not as contained as originally thought. Chemotherapy would be the next course of action.The past month has been a difficult, heart-breaking, and yet hopeful journey for our family. We have all embraced this unexpected journey as an opportunity for God to show Himself great. We have incredible children who love God with all their hearts and they have been amazing. I’ve often said, “Stacy is the purest person I know” and she has a heart to serve Jesus with her life. On Tuesday night, as she was brought into her hospital room following surgery, through tears she quoted her life verse:

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

Stacy has totally surrendered this situation to the Lord for His purposes and glory. Knowing that we serve a loving and sovereign God who is control of all things, our entire family is committed to a desire for Jesus to be known and seen through our lives. I will honor my wife and at the same time inform you along the way. What we need more than anything else is, of course, your prayers. I would love for you to encourage Stacy. You can leave a comment here and in time she’ll read every single one. We love you all so much. Please pray for peace and wisdom in the coming days.

Did he say, “Get naked!?”

Posted on April 24, 2007 by jeff warren

Yes, I really did. I may be the first pastor to tell his listeners to “get naked”. We were in the midst of a series of messages on “Pure Sex”. I was describing much of what I try to do is to keep single adults and our youth out of bed together and our married adults in the bed together. That’s when I admonished all of the married couples to “get naked”. I got a few “amens” from some eager to obey the Lord’s command to be fruitful and multiply. I’m sure some were thinking, “Here am Lord, send me.” Professor Howard Hendricks (at DTS) recently said, “In the midst of a generation screaming for answers, Christians are stuttering.” I would suggest we are stuttering at best. Mostly we’re silent, and I can promise that Satan is not. John 8:44 says he is the “father of lies” and he’s been lying for generations and we are reaping the tragic results of a satanic attack upon our families and our culture. In contrast, in John 8:33, Jesus says, “the truth will set you free.” The truth about sex must be shared. “Everyone else is talking about sex. If we remain silent about sex with our children and teens (and adults) then we’re the only ones.” Here’s what we’ve been learning: The very first temptation had to do with our sexuality. In Genesis 2 and 3 we see the story of the fall and how Adam and Eve, prior to the fall were “both naked and unashamed”. After they sinned against God they felt a need to cover themselves. Why? Because our sexuality is Satan’s easiest door to shame. Shame is a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace. If blame says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am wrong.” Many have lived with shame for years and it has impacted your life more than you can realize. We’ve noted that some things grow in the dark (fungus, mushrooms) and shame. It must be brought into the light or it will not stop growing. That’s why we need to speak about sexual shame. We all have it; we just need to talk about it. 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 teaches us a few things about “pure sex”. 1. Godly sex begins with Godly thinking. 2. Your “bod” belongs to God. 3. Sex is like glue. 4. Sexual sin runs deep. Let me ask you the two shameful questions that we’re trying to be courageous enough to address: What seed of sexual shame has Satan planted in your life? What dangerous and painful covering are you hiding behind? As you think about sexual shame and start what may be a new path toward purity always remember that Our God is a God of grace. I love what He tells us in Job: “Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.” Job 11:13-16 (N.I.V.)